
Telling Your Partner You Want A Contracting Out Agreement (PreNup)
Bringing up the idea of a contracting-out agreement (prenup) in New Zealand can be a delicate conversation, but it’s an important one if it reflects your values and financial goals. Here are some practical tips on how to approach this discussion:
1. Choose the Right Time and Place
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Avoid bringing it up during stressful moments or arguments. Find a relaxed, private setting where you both have time to talk openly.
2. Frame It as a Practical Decision
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Emphasize that it’s about planning for the future, not doubting the relationship. You can say something like, “I think it’s wise to have everything sorted legally, just in case life takes unexpected turns.”
3. Explain the Context
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Mention that New Zealand’s Property (Relationships) Act 1976 automatically divides assets 50/50 after three years of living together or marriage unless a contracting-out agreement is in place.
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Share that the agreement gives you both the ability to decide how assets will be handled rather than leaving it to default laws.
4. Focus on Fairness
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Reassure your partner that the agreement isn’t about benefiting one person over the other but creating clarity and fairness.
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Highlight that it protects both parties and prevents misunderstandings in the future.
5. Use “We” Language
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Avoid making it sound like it’s only about your assets. For example: “I think we should work on something that feels fair to both of us.”
6. Be Honest About Your Reasons
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If you’ve inherited assets, own a business, or have children from a previous relationship, explain that these are factors you need to consider.
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Transparency builds trust.
7. Encourage Independent Legal Advice
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In New Zealand, both parties need to receive independent legal advice for the agreement to be valid. This ensures that neither of you feels pressured and that both of your interests are protected.
8. Acknowledge It Can Be Emotional
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Understand that your partner may feel hurt or unsure. Let them express their thoughts, and listen with empathy.
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You might say, “I know this might feel uncomfortable, but it’s about planning responsibly, not questioning our relationship.”
9. Consider Professional Guidance
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If the conversation feels too difficult to have alone, consider discussing it with a mediator, counselor, or financial advisor together.
Everything is going well so why would I do this?